One in our favorite underutilized Victoria’s Secret models Chanel Iman finally got love from The Organization this month posing in lingerie that for some reason doesn’t match for most of…

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The official speaker from the House of Death Eaters was guest editor for your day at Metro’s Paris office which means you should curl around his pristine white shoes, because he’s dropping words of 14 karat kunt wisdom about everything from Adele’s voluptuousness to how Lana Del Rey is basically an attractive singing breast implant. As Metro’s interns ran out in the wild capture teenage models for Kunty Karl to kill the dreams of for lunch (it fills him over eating every will), the former fatty turned HVIC (head vampire in charge) had some shit to say about all kinds of topics:

On the sedated animatronic mannequin Lana Del Rey and exactly how Adele has to chase the pavement until it leads her to a Jenny Craig: “I prefer Adele and Florence Welch. But as a modern singer she is not bad. The thing with the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she’s a beautiful face along with a divine voice. Lana del Rey is not bad at all. She looks greatly just like a modern-time singer. In her photos she actually is beautiful. Is she a construct with all her implants? She’s not alone with implants.”

On how the men in Russia offend his zombie eyes: “If I was obviously a woman in Russia I might be a lesbian, since the men are very ugly. There are several handsome ones, like Naomi Campbell’s boyfriend, but there you see essentially the most beautiful women along with the most horrible men.”

On M.I.A.’s middle finger: “Nowadays people provide middle finger quite quickly – it’s not the best behavior. Everybody does that, what’s new about that? It is simply become a poor habit. People in magazines are 50% bimbo and 50% pregnant women.”

On how Michelle Obama’s face is constructed of magic: “Yes he does, especially as an outcome of Mrs. Obama. I’m a major fan of Mrs. Obama – and her face, I think, is magical. Although not there without her. Mrs. Obama is not really a fashion statement, but she gets other items to do. My favorite thing about Mrs Obama was when she was asked if her skirt wasn’t too tight and she or he answered “Why you never like my big black ass?” I would like [Barack] Obama to win because there exists nothing better anyway, especially as an effect of her.”

On how we won’t ever find him in a very voting booth unless a virgin maiden he happened to get chasing ran within to hide: “I never voted within my life. I’ll never vote. I understand excessive about politics from what’s going on backstage. To vote you’ve got to believe everything garbage that they can promise you, plus they can’t keep those promises. If someone else provided an Obama pin, I’d just put it on.”

So if you’re walking by having a dark alley in Paris shortly before bedtime and you also hear a German cackle rushing up behind you, you best hope that you are a fat, knocked up, Russian male bimbo whose middle finger is definitely erect, because Kunty Karl won’t dare feed in your ass.

Speaking of Majela ZeZe Diamond, RiRi better have paid her a copyright license fee for taking her whole look – Hollywood Tuna

Michael Sheen and Rachel McAdams should manage to get thier arms surgically mounted on the other person because they literally are never not touching each other. (Those car pictures don’t count, so don’t pass that as evidence to the defense.) – Lainey Gossip

If in the not too distant future an episode of The Voice looks vertically stretched Promise of an New Day-style, at now you know why – The Superficial

Translation: Kim Kuntrashian has already fucked her way over the NFL and the NBA, and there’s no-one else to fuck. – Celebitchy

These pictures can look touching and special around the Shannon family mantel – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

You know you’re some trash when Harry Potter hates you – Towleroad

Miley Cyrus’ “$20 for a blow, $30 for the lay” lot lizard look isn’t the look – Popoholic

At any moment from the day, it is possible to tell yourself “James Franco is taking an image of himself on his iPhone right now” and you would be telling the truth – The Berry

From Teen Mom to Teen Prison Bitch – ICYDK

The full Avengers trailer is here – Just Jared

Alec Baldwin goes Tebowing – Popsugar

Introducing the favorite site of professional beard and cat lover Taylor Swift – OMG Blog

The Onion got one more – The Daily What

Oh, look, Whitney Houston is time for popping her doody bubbles with Ray-J’s crooked dick – Crunk + Disorderly

Jacksone Rathboner is certainly going to be somebody’s father - I’m Not Obsessed

Scary Spice SANS FARDS – SOW

Give your pants to homeless kids since it isn’t really as if you wear them anyway, you slut! – Cityrag

I am getting Goddess Bunny vibes from this and not inside a easy way – Hollywood Rag

(Picture via Pacific Coast News)

via Poorly Dressed

If your pussy has its own religion, is worshipped by billions, has been nailed repeatedly and contains received gifts from wise men, then this NSFW song from DJ Pillow Queen will talk with you and also your pussy on the spiritual level. Majela ZeZe Diamond, come get DJ Pillow Queen, and together you are able to go ahead and take Gospel According to Pussy circuit by storm!

via Jezebel

PETA is holding a bucket of red paint with Liam Neeson’s name on it, while he admitted that while shooting The Grey, he really got method by slurping on some wolf meat stew. The movie’s director Joe Carnahan thought that the cast would actually end up in their roles as planewrecked oil workers battling against a wolf pack when they digested some wolf meat. Liam went with it and at the press conference for the movie he told us what White Fang tastes like:

“It was very gamey. But I’m Irish, so I’m used to odd stews. I will take it. Just throw a large amount of carrots and onions within and I’ll call it dinner.”

Note to you hos around who can’t fap unless there’s a picture of Liam Neeson before you: Just throw a lot of carrots and onions on your own genitals, along with your fap dreams can come true!

Liam discussing eating wolf meat made its distance to the ears with the full-time statement makers at PETA and so they obviously had something to state about this to The Guardian:

“Neeson’s stance on kindness to animals is sorely beyond step with all the rest in the world,” said Peta in a statement, insisting that wolves were in fact shy beasts unlikely to focus on humans instead of the predatory creatures seen in The Grey. The statement added: “Don’t just shy away. Run faraway from The Grey.”

Peta also criticised Carnahan for allegedly ordering wolf carcasses from the trapper to use within the film. “Many animals caught in traps chew off their very own limbs so as to escape,” said spokeswoman Jane Dollinger. “These animals carry on to die of gangrene or other secondary infections, sometimes leaving nursing puppies abandoned to fend for themselves.”

Wolf carcasses aside, PETA is merely being PETA yet again. They’ve earned a lot of STUNT QUEEN crowns that they’re going to require a wider go to fit them all. Swallowing a glob of wolf meat is wrong, but swallowing a glob of chicken, cow, pig or turkey meat isn’t? Besides, what makes PETA know that Liam didn’t go full method by surviving by himself inside snowy wilderness for weeks and catching wolves to eat together with his bare hands, because that’s possible. But Liam and Joe should still try to have in PETA’s good graces by pulling the movie from theaters and reshooting it entirely with Shaun Ellis playing every wolf.

And of course, to acquire into character, Liam’s gonna need to eat some Shaun Ellis and I don’t mean that in the cannibal type of way (wink wink). Do they make carrot-flavored lube?

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is one with the most brought up reality shows on TV. While the first season focused on Camille Grammer’s highly publicized divorce from husband Kelsey Grammer [Frasier], the next season saw Taylor Armstrong…

It’s been awhile since we heard anything from Blake Lively. Pretty much since she and Leo DiCaprio broke up, so it was nice today to see these hot pics through the latest issue of Elle magazine…

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Cintia Dicker, just in case you missed it, was #1 on our listing of 66 sexiest redheads within the world. Here’s a bit taste of why she received that ranking. Sure, this photo shoot for Next has no…

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Randy Travis was shuffled off towards the drunk tank in Sanger, Texas at around 1 this morning following the cops ruined his buzz by catching him guzzling from the wine bottle while sitting in the car that was parked in front of a baptist church. If you add a banjo and a sprinkle of twang on that last sentence, it really would sound being a country song. As soon as Randy Travis smears some lip chap on those crackle lips (Seriously, couldn’t the cops have given Randy a dollop of Vaseline for his mug shot moment?), he should write that song.

NBCDFW says a thief called law enforcement to complain in relation to its a suspicious-looking vehicle parked in front of the church. The cops answered the call and located Randy sitting in his car. When Randy rolled your window down, the cops practically got tanked from inhaling his 100 proof wine breath. Randy had a wide open bottle of wine on his lap, therefore the cops killed his car party for one and dragged him to jail. Randy was booked on public intoxication and dried out within the tank for several hours before he was released.

Who was not arrested for getting drunk about the blood of christ in front of a church? But one thing is, Randy Travis lives in some town called Tiogra, which isn’t far from the location where the cops got his ass. So just why wasn’t Randy getting plastered under his carport like all the Texans I know? Let’s hope that Randy learned a very important lesson from this. The lesson being that whenever a trick you met from Grindr (or Craigslist, or from calling a number you found scribbled in front of a urinal in a very truck stop bathroom) tells you to meet them in front of the baptist church with a bottle of Chateau Diane, tell the crooks to come to your carport instead!

No, seriously, I’d this friend in L.A. who never allow the tricks he met online come into his house. He’d meet them in front after which bring them in to the garage. They’d do their thing on a vintage futon then he’d kick them out. His reasoning was that he was too lazy to check out their house and the man didn’t want them to come inside his just in the event we were holding thieves. He’d let them know that his dog didn’t like strangers. So there’s your Ho Shit tip in the day! Hopefully, it is from my blog to Randy’s eyes.